That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
