I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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