dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
