dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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