I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Randomize
