I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
