Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
