the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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