I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
