I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
