Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
