She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
