Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
