I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
