Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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