Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
