How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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