he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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