He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
