We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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