I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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