i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
