Can i not drive my cunt home
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
You made out with two different species that night
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Bring me that man meat
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
