I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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