Pappa wants mamma naked
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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