I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
