Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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