Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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