Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
