he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
