we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
