how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
He passed out mid-signature
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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