By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
