I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
