Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
