I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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