the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
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I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
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Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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