Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
