It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
