You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
