I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
