im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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