I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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