I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
