Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
