I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
