highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize