It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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