also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
