Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
