I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
