She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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