I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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