My friends, they love my intelligence
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
