i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
