her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
