are you still at the devil's house?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
