Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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