Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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