Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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