I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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