it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
