There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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