Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
