You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
