WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
