just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
