tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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