You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
