2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
