i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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