i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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