Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
