There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
